As we age, the desire for independence and autonomy remains strong. For Olders, maintaining control over daily activities and personal choices is not just about convenience, it's about preserving dignity and self-worth. Unobtrusive assistance (my new favorite pair of words) provides a delicate balance, offering the help olders need without undermining their independence. If you're an adult child or caregiver navigating the delicate task of supporting an Older without being overbearing, you're not alone. 

The Crucial Balance: Independence and Unobtrusive Help 

For many Olders, the idea of maintaining independence evokes a sense of pride and purpose. It’s not just about living alone; it's about feeling in charge of one's own life and decisions. This is an essential ingredient to aging well or healthy aging. 

Unobtrusive assistance is about promoting independence while offering subtle support that doesn’t overshadow a senior's role in decision-making and self-care. This is a skill that can be applied to any Older, not just your own. It takes a CAPABLE view, not an incapable one. 

Understanding Unobtrusive Assistance: The Core of Unobtrusive Help 

Unobtrusive assistance is grounded in the practice of respecting an Older’s autonomy while providing discreet support, often in the form of your presence, subtle environmental adjustments, and timed reminders without an overbearing presence. 

Indeed, the iconic image of helping an elderly person across the street is often associated with the ultimate act of kindness. This gesture is typically seen as both a symbol of respect and concern for the safety of our senior citizens. However, if we take a moment to assess the situation from another perspective, we might recognize that for some older persons—particularly those who are fiercely protective of their independence—such help can inadvertently deliver a disempowering message. For that independent woman, managing her own bags and navigating the crosswalk may be a reaffirmation of her autonomy and capability. It's essential not just to see a person who might need help, but to see a person who is still actively engaged in life's daily hustle. By considering this before intervening, we honor their strength and support their continued independence. So what could we do instead? I might walk alongside her, I might make eye contact with drivers to ensure her safety (silently), I might just smile, or chat like I would anyone else. If I really felt she was in danger or struggling, I might tell her she looks like she has a good handle on things and ask her if there is anything she would like me to do. And I would always comment on how inspired I am. I want her to succeed, I want her to be empowered. I want her to be safe. I want to fiercely protect her independence. This is unobtrusive assistance. 

Studies show that seniors who receive unobtrusive care exhibit higher self-esteem, greater emotional well-being, and improved physical health. They are more likely to engage in safe and productive activities, leading to a higher quality of life. 

The Path to Empowerment 

Empowering Olders through unobtrusive assistance is an art that requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to their right self determination. By carefully choosing support methods and language that amplify rather than overshadow, we can ensure that our Olders continue to lead fulfilling, self-directed lives. Embracing the principles discussed here is not simply about care; it’s about cultivating an environment where senior independence can flourish. Let’s continue to find innovative ways to support our seniors while preserving the essential thread of self-reliance that runs through their life stories. We are passionate about building an environment we are excited to age into. 

We hope to help adult children and caregivers approach senior care with a more nuanced touch, helping OurOlders embrace life grace and confidence. 

Sources: 

1 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8871774/

2 https://www.atlantis-press.com/proceedings/inc-17/25886896 

3 https://assistinghands.com/70/illinois/lombard/blog/how-to-increase-self-esteem-in-elderly/